Happy Friday!
Growing up in the church - in an extremely religious home - one of my favorite songs as a little kid was “This Little Light of Mine.” I can still picture it: sitting in a church nursery, adults singing while holding up their index finger like a candle. That was my jam.
From a very young age, I learned that I was supposed to shine.
And yet… life really fucks us up along the way, doesn't it?
Chaos dims our light. Conditioning narrows it. And most of us were never actually taught how to shine as ourselves. Even in that church, the message came with conditions:
Shine - but only the way we tell you to.
Shine - but within the rules.
Obey.
Shine - but only the way we tell you to.
Shine - but within the rules.
Obey.
That same pattern shows up everywhere. In families. In friendships. In relationships. In business.
Shine - but don't outshine the people around you.
Shine - but not too brightly.
Don't be “too much.”
Don't make others uncomfortable.
Shine - but not too brightly.
Don't be “too much.”
Don't make others uncomfortable.
So we learn to shrink.
We stop asking for what we want.
We quiet our needs to stay connected.
We fear abandonment more than we fear betraying ourselves.
We seek validation instead of truth.
We quiet our needs to stay connected.
We fear abandonment more than we fear betraying ourselves.
We seek validation instead of truth.
This is how self-abandonment becomes second nature.
And here's the tragic part: most of us don't even know who we are anymore because we've spent so long being who we needed to be for other people.
We are rarely taught how to shine as ourselves - without apology, without permission, without shrinking to fit the room.
But the good news?
Once we see our own patterns - once we recognize our own bullshit - we get a choice.
One of the biggest lessons I learned this past year was becoming painfully aware of how much I was dimming myself around certain people. How often I chose silence over truth. Comfort over authenticity.
And here's the part no one likes to talk about:
Playing small costs us.
Silence costs us.
Not living up to our potential costs us.
Silence costs us.
Not living up to our potential costs us.
It costs us our energy.
Our joy.
Our integrity.
Our self-trust.
Our joy.
Our integrity.
Our self-trust.
Self-worth isn't about confidence. It's about alignment - about doing what you know is true for you, even when it's uncomfortable. Especially when it risks disappointing others.
Which brings me to this:
I am no longer apologizing for wanting a life that excites me.
I want big things. I'm a bougie bitch.
I want incredible food, beautiful experiences, nice clothes, a comfortable home.
I want first class - not just on planes, but in how I live my life.
I want incredible food, beautiful experiences, nice clothes, a comfortable home.
I want first class - not just on planes, but in how I live my life.
And I am done apologizing for that.
For years, I dimmed who I was to be more acceptable, more agreeable, more digestible. And it reminds me so much of the monologue from Barbie - because it perfectly captures the impossible contradictions so many of us live inside.
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“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong.
You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people.
You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.
But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful.
You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.”
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That monologue isn't just about being a woman. It's about what happens when you're constantly asked to contort yourself to belong.
I refuse to do that anymore.
I refuse to dim my light to make others comfortable.
I refuse to apologize for wanting more.
I refuse to abandon myself for connection.
I refuse to apologize for wanting more.
I refuse to abandon myself for connection.
The only people I allow in my life now are the ones who support my shine - who don't compete with it, don't fear it, don't try to control it. People who add to it. Just as I add to theirs.
It took a long time to get here.
But I will not look back and wish I had played smaller.
But I will not look back and wish I had played smaller.
I will live fully in this lifetime.
And I want every single human I come across to do the same.
Because your light was never the problem.
The problem was being taught to hide it.
The problem was being taught to hide it.
And we can learn new ways.
Where in your life have you been shrinking and playing small? Let's change that - together.
Self-Worth Resets are kicking off again on Monday.
The schedule is below. I would be honored to hold this space with you. Click on the day to register. Hope to see you soon!
I love you.
Lindsay M
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