It's been a couple of weeks. I took some time off for my birthday and to catch my breath. Between client work, an event at Universal, packing up my apartment, and spending time with the people I love, life has been beautifully full. Somewhere in the middle of all of that, I realized I needed a little space before I had anything worth saying.
I'm moving into a new phase of my life, and it's been kind of cool to release what I no longer need, physically. My shredder has gotten more use this week than it has since I bought it. Old bank statements, court documents from when my son was little, tax records from a lifetime ago, business paperwork … one after another disappeared into the shredder. I clearly saw I had been holding onto so many things I don't need, nor will ever need.
And then I found an old journal - which we'll get to in a minute.
All of this clearing has made me wonder why we hold onto things long after we've stopped using them. What are we afraid will happen if we let them go? Which then goes to the mental: old beliefs, old versions of ourselves, old patterns that continually keep us stuck.
I realized it had been years since I had taken inventory of the physical things in my life. And even during my last move and purge, I was still holding onto things I didn't need.
So, back to the journal. I wondered if it still mattered. So I decided to flip through it. It had notes on my first book, it had heartbreak, it had entries of me falling apart and rebuilding. It held hope for more. As I flipped through and scanned what I wrote, I wanted to hug the woman who wrote those pages. I wanted to tell her that it was all going to work out. And that she didn't need to have it all figured out. Because at the time, I thought I did.
I decided to shred it. I thought about how much I had grown since those words poured out of me. And of course, I was able to see how my past made me who I am today. That's when it hit me…the life I'm building doesn't require proof that my past existed. I don't have to carry every version of myself into the next chapter. There was something freeing in that realization.
It made me wonder…why do we hold onto what we no longer need? And it's not just about stuff. Maybe it's about old beliefs, old versions of ourselves, and old patterns that quietly keep us stuck.
Maybe that is what moving is really teaching me. Every file I've sorted, journal I've flipped though, and closet I take inventory of is asking me the same question: Does this still belong in the life I'm creating?
Perhaps this week is a good time to take inventory - not just of what's in your physical space, but of what's taking up space in your mind.
What's one thing you've been carrying that no longer belongs?
Making room for what's next begins by being brave enough to let go of what no longer fits the life you want to build.
3 comments
I’m holding onto things people won’t let me use. “The son of Thornton must not become a musician or a writer.” I collect a bunch of books but usually don’t feel like reading. It feels like my body is telling me I need sunshine, exercise, social interaction, and that isolation has made me ill. It’s gonna take lots and lots of practice to overcome the sucking. I suck at music, not because of my DNA, but because I don’t practice enough or listen enough or read enough. I feel nothing much lately. I feel no fault for the fault I feel. I keep my sight on a waking dream. I was trying to tell them that I felt pigeon-holed into society’s grunt work. I made straight A’s in community college for some reason. While I believe in hard work, and all the follies of Bacchus that might entice us to sinning or winning, I also seek purpose and intellectual stimulation and growth. Our brains are seeds left in sterile ground. What appears dormant is scattered seed waiting for a hard rain and amended soil. Perhaps it is transplanted to a nursery where it can begin again in truly fertile soil full of nutrients. Under the right conditions it might bear fruit. The brain is a tree that sprouts and branches into the very fabric of reality. Astrocytes are like stars. The mind goes blank like an empty abyss sometimes. I’m just drifting in the abstract. Was that a Nine Inch Nails lyric? I need good nuggets. I don’t know what I am doing to my brain but I think it needs feeding. Does it need seeding? Is my brain the soil or the seed? Or both? Dave Matthews Band had a song called The Dreaming Tree. Who is the king of your satellite castle? When the wrong word goes into the right ear I know somebody has been lying to me. I have this creeping suspicion that things are not the way the lyrics seem. The Way? Black gives way to blue. What’s that mean?
Nicely written, Sweetie! ❤️
Momma approved, LOL
I think it’s ok to keep some old stuff to remind you of the past good times ,bad times etc. just as long as you don’t end up like the people on the hoarder tv show.
I myself have some baseball cards..G.I. Joe and Star Wars collectables.. non working lawn equipment, the usual old stuff. As for mental space..hmm..I haven’t really thought about it may have to get back to ya on that lol