Sometimes, I am so embarrassed by myself. That's something I realized this week. I could sugar coat my feelings and pretend like everything is alright, but I refuse to. So I am sharing with you my truth…my messy truth.
I'm embarrassed that I'm still angry at someone who never gave a shit about me. Or maybe he did. Maybe I'm more angry that he chose to walk away and do all the typical male things when I expected more from him. I believed in forever. Our forever. Even when I can clearly see the projection I dealt with for years.
I thought I had processed the breakup I wrote about in The Girl Who Cried Love with grace. I mean, I took the time and went inward. I grew. I changed in ways I never imagined I could. I stopped distracting myself and put a spotlight on the things I was and wasn't doing to heal. I didn't jump into something new. I wanted to be whole on my own. I wanted to finally learn how to take up as much space as I wanted and not shrink myself for someone else's ego. And I wanted to learn how to truly show up as my full self.
And honestly? Most days, I'm good. I get it. I see what I truly deserve, and it sure as hell wasn't the breadcrumbs I begged for for so long. I see my progress. I see myself moving toward these wild, beautiful dreams of mine.
But then there are days when the anger and hurt are still all-consuming. This past week had a few of those days - big ones. One thing I am grateful for, though, is that I can now fully recognize how deep my love was. Even when I wasn't getting it back. And that is a gift. My love is my super power. I'll own that proudly.
The other night, I was scrolling through TikTok - which, by the way, I've noticed has a direct correlation to how I feel about myself. When I'm consuming social media instead of creating, I end up sad, heavy, depressed. So I'm consciously cutting back on the consumption part.
But while I was scrolling, I came across this guy who shares his “man's perspective” takes. And he said something like:
“The man you're dating now is going to be the same man he'll be in 20 years. Men rarely change. While women are constantly evolving.”
And I just sat there thinking:
What an absolute fucking cop-out.
What an absolute fucking cop-out.
I know for a fact that men can change - just like women can.
There is no loophole in the human experience that exempts men from growth.
There is no loophole in the human experience that exempts men from growth.
I've witnessed countless men transform themselves.
Not perfectly, not overnight, but with intention. With effort. With pain. With honesty.
Not perfectly, not overnight, but with intention. With effort. With pain. With honesty.
But the truth is: change is fucking hard.
For everyone.
For everyone.
Getting in shape? Hard.
Working out consistently? Hard.
Not drinking at a party? Hard.
Sitting alone with your feelings instead of chasing distraction? Hard.
Being with the pain instead of numbing it? Really fucking hard.
Working out consistently? Hard.
Not drinking at a party? Hard.
Sitting alone with your feelings instead of chasing distraction? Hard.
Being with the pain instead of numbing it? Really fucking hard.
Most people don't want to do the uncomfortable, unglamorous, tear-filled work of becoming the version of themselves they're capable of being. It's much easier to stay exactly where you are and blame fate, timing, trauma, your ex, or “that's just the way I am.”
But we can do hard things. We have done hard things. We've gotten through the hardest moments in our lives.
Healing is not linear.
Some days are great.
Some days are brutal.
Some days you're just fighting to breathe through the moment. But if you do breathe through it, if you let yourself feel it instead of running from it - it does get better. I know it's getting better for me.
Some days are great.
Some days are brutal.
Some days you're just fighting to breathe through the moment. But if you do breathe through it, if you let yourself feel it instead of running from it - it does get better. I know it's getting better for me.
I know what's meant for me won't pass me by.
And what I refuse to believe - what I will never believe - is that people can't change. We all can. One pivot at a time.
The truth is, healing is gritty and human and wildly imperfect.
But every time we choose to stay with ourselves instead of abandoning who we are, we grow a little stronger. A little clearer. A little more rooted in our worth.
But every time we choose to stay with ourselves instead of abandoning who we are, we grow a little stronger. A little clearer. A little more rooted in our worth.
And maybe that's the point.
Not to become perfect - but to become present.
To catch ourselves sooner.
To choose differently, even when it's hard.
To become the love we keep trying to find in other people.
Not to become perfect - but to become present.
To catch ourselves sooner.
To choose differently, even when it's hard.
To become the love we keep trying to find in other people.
If you're in a season where you're craving that - real self-worth, real self-return, real inner strength - I would love to support you.
This Sunday morning, at 10am PST, I'm hosting a free Self-Worth Reset on Zoom. It's a gentle, powerful overview of the work that has changed my life:
✨ understanding self-abandonment
✨ breaking people-pleasing patterns
✨ shifting out of imposter syndrome
✨ beginning the process of coming home to yourself
If you'd like to join me, just head to the contact page on my website or click here and send a message that says: “I'm in.”
I'll send you the Zoom link and all the details.
You don't have to do this alone.
You deserve to feel worthy of your own life.
One small pivot at a time.
I love you.
Lindsay M.
PS - Download the 30-day Inspired AF Journal Prompt. It's such a perfect way to end your year, and dream big for 2026.
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6 comments
Worded so well, L:
Healing is not linear.
Some days are great.
Some days are brutal.
Some days you’re just fighting to breathe through the moment. But if you do breathe through it, if you let yourself feel it instead of running from it – it does get better. I know it’s getting better for me.
-The battle in healing is not always easy. No, not at all. When healing you have to accept all the pieces of the puzzle, even the ones in which you held fault. And if this is not be. Then how can one ever release to let go of while healing? That release that brings the moment where one will finally begin to breathe is, beautifully wonderful. And just as you expressed, it most definitely must be felt to not run from. As all will get better in time!
Generous post. Thank you!
You are an excellent writer.
Your message hit home. I have my days of feeling sad, angry, happy just want to yell out loud. Keep your head up even when you don’t want too cause we all feel what you feel as well.
Hi what time is the zoom meeting on Sunday Im hoping to join. Also what you wrote hit home.
Excellent post! Love your music!
Excellent post! Love your music!