I'm So Grateful I Didn't Get What I Wanted

Happy Friday, friends!

I did a video the other day about worthiness and shared how, for most of my life, my worth was tied to being chosen.

 

Chosen in love.
Chosen in friendships.
Chosen in opportunities.

 

And when I wasn't chosen… I made it mean something about me. Sad but true, and from the amount of messages I received from that video, I know you have been there too. See it on IG here if you haven't yet had a chance. 

 

In my new book, The Girl Who Cried Love, I share a story about someone I call “B.” (For those of you who haven't read it - I use initials to honor privacy while still telling the truth of my experience.)

 

I want to walk you through some of the emotions I lived inside during that time, because I know I'm not alone in them.

 

B wasn't like anyone else I had dated. He wasn't in the music industry. He was a dad, had a “normal” job, and he came in hot - pursuing me hard.

 

At the time, I wasn't even looking for a relationship. But over time, I started to like him. We spent a lot of time together. I let my guard down. I started falling for him.

 

But what I didn't know was that the entire foundation was built on lies. He was living a completely different life that I knew nothing about.

 

It took a stranger commenting on one of my Instagram photos of me and B - telling me to check my message requests - for me to find out that every moment he wasn't with me… he was with her. They had been involved for nearly a decade. She had been part of the reason his marriage ended.

 

 

I remember exactly where I was - camping with my friend Noel when I found out. At that time in my life, my only coping mechanism was alcohol. I cried the entire night. I sent him a screenshot of the message. He had no choice but to confess..duh. Said he understood if I never spoke to him again.

 

And for a moment… I stood in my power. But only a moment.

 

 

“We always have so much fun together.”
“We never said we were officially in a relationship.”
“Maybe we can just keep it casual.”

 

 

So I let him back in.

He said he wanted to be exclusive.

 

Do you think that was the end of it?

It wasn't.

It happened again.

I still remember the night he left me sitting at a bar after she sent him a naked photo - a message I saw come through while I was sitting right next to him. I pretty much lost my shit, which is not like me at all.

 

And I remember the devastation that washed over me - not just from the betrayal, but from the question that haunted me: “Why am I never the one who gets chosen?”

 

This was a pattern I had lived before him.
And, if I'm honest, one I would live again after him.

 

But here's the reframe that only came with time, healing, and perspective:

 

Thank God I wasn't chosen by those people.

They were not the right ones.

 

The right people choose you - consistently.
The wrong people leave - repeatedly.

 

And what I see now, looking back objectively, is that what felt like rejection… was protection.

 

Every “no” was redirection.
Every closed door was course correction.
Every person who couldn't choose me was life refusing to let me settle for less than I deserved.

 

There's a Chinese proverb that surfaced for me this week that I shared in that video:

 

 

And when I think about some of the relationships, friendships, and opportunities I tried to hold onto long after they showed me they weren't aligned… I feel that proverb.

 

 

To preserve our peace.
To reroute our path.
To keep us from building a life on foundations that were never stable to begin with.

 

If you're in a season where someone or something isn't choosing you… It is not a reflection of your worth.

It simply means life is refusing to let you settle.

 

And one day, with a little distance and a lot of healing, you may find yourself saying the same words I do now:

 

 

And yes - we all want to be chosen. We all want to have that love that fits. That doesn't run at the first sign of conflict or breakdown.

That desire is human. It's tender. It lives in all of us.

 

But maybe you're in a season where life isn't asking you to be chosen…Maybe it's teaching you how to choose yourself.

 

 

One keeps you in lack - hoping, proving, performing.
The other roots you in worth - grounded, clear, and unavailable for anything that doesn't meet you there.

 

And when you finally choose yourself, you stop chasing what isn't choosing you.

 

P.S. If you saw yourself anywhere in this story, you're not alone.

I go much deeper into these patterns - and how I began healing them - in my book, The Girl Who Cried Love: A Pivot to Self-Worth. Grab a copy here! 

 

And if you're wanting support as you learn to choose yourself in your own life, my Self-Worth Reset gatherings are such a beautiful place to start. It's a space where we do this work together - gently, honestly, and in community.

 

I'll share next week's schedule below. I'm holding only TWO next week on Wednesday, if you feel called to join us. REGISTER BELOW 🩷

 

I love you, 

Lindsay M.

 

 

Wednesday February 18 | 4pm PST / 7pm EST