The Habit of Shrinking

My best friend shared a story with me last week that we both felt was important to talk about. She is a photographer. As a matter of fact, her photos have graced the covers of multiple magazines. Her work is absolutely stunning, and she has this vulnerable authenticity about her that enables her to get the absolute best out of her subjects. Tricia is so amazing and talented, even nature bows down to her. (You can see her work here.) 

Last week, a UCLA student called her and wanted some headshots. They decided they were going to do the shoot in a little bougie beach spot in Southern California.

My friend described this young lady as beautiful…porcelain skin, red hair, radiating, yet, she was so intimidated. She had this unease about her that was a bit alarming to my friend. It took a while to get her out of her shell. So we were having this discussion as she was wondering why so many young people are so timid. We're born with all this life and potential and energy and power, so at what point in time do we decide to shrink? Where has our confidence gone?

So many young kids are consumed with their phones. If you look around at younger generations, many of them have hunched over shoulders and can't even stand up straight. Literally. Their bodies have morphed over time from staring at a little device. I've even seen some of this posture from adults. While I'm no expert on this, I truly believe that continual consumption of internet things have been partly to blame here. We're constantly hunched over, staring at screens.

Can you relate to this? Have you ever seen your reflection as you're walking or have you ever noticed a photo where you're hunched over? I'm certainly guilty! And while our screens may have something to do with it, could this state we find ourselves in also be about a lack of confidence? 

This is what I want to discuss over the next few weeks. What are some things we can do to get our power back and stand in our confidence and take up as much space as possible?  What are some things we can do to give ourselves a boost of healthy self-esteem? I'm going to start with some small things here that can make a significant impact on our lives. Even better, we can start putting these things into practice RIGHT NOW! Disco!

1. Positive Self-Talk - I'm not talking toxic positivity here. (We're going to be discussing that soon.) What I am talking about is the conversations we have with ourselves. I'm also speaking from experience. There are so many times I have to catch myself in the midst of my mind talking shit. Shifting the conversation from “I'm so bad at ______,” to “I'm working on becoming better at _______,” can have an extreme effect on our confidence. Rather than accepting where we are, we understand we're a work in progress, are aware of what's going on, and can then be excited that we get to grow. It's an opportunity.

2. Practicing Gratitude - I know I harp on this. I'll never stop. Taking time each and every morning to take stock in the abundance we currently have is the gateway for more and more abundance. You can't be grateful and worried at the same time. Anytime we say thank you, it shifts the focus from insecurity to positive aspects in our lives.

3. Learning New Skills - What is one thing you've been holding out on that you'd like to learn? Hell, my dad learned and built a gazebo from watching a YouTube video. What would happen if you took 30 minutes out of your day and learned a new skill? I've been listening to James Clear's, Atomic Habits on Audible this past week, and I can't tell you the difference it's made as I'm working on what I want to build. I highly recommend that read if you've not had a chance.

4. Body Language - Stand up tall. Put your shoulders back. Adopting a strong posture, looking people in the eye when speaking and smiling are incredible influences on how we feel about ourselves. You deserve to be seen and heard. You deserve to take up that space. When you catch yourself shrinking, you can immediately shift out of that. See it, change it.

5. Facing Your Fears - Perhaps, the young lady getting headshots was doing exactly that: facing her fears of being photographed and happened to call the perfect person to photograph her. Perhaps this was an opportunity that caused her to stand a little bit taller and have a little bit more confidence in who she is. Perhaps Tricia was the person to serve her in this area of her life. The main thing is, she did it.

I want to see you thrive. I want to see you do amazing things in your life and the lives of others. We get to do that! And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.

Are there any areas of your life where you lack confidence? What are some of the ways you're overcoming it?